adventures in dysthymia

Monday, April 13, 2009

LOSS

It takes a long time when we lose someone. And we don't really want to lose them completely, after all. We do want to hold those memories and there is a different pain in knowing they will fade.

I still sometimes think of my first 'girlfriend,' who passed away when we were both eight. The face is no longer there but, fifty years later, I remember Martha's voice, I remember eating lunch with her on the back steps of the auditorium, I remember getting on the bus one morning and hearing that she was gone.

She will never fade away entirely, I know. Other people have and that's to be expected. Old friends, even old lovers...lost only to time but gone, just as surely.

Yes, life goes on. In a sense, every loss is also a gain, for we take away the memories and lessons that make us who we are, that make up life. The more life we have in us, the more alive we become, the more alive we are and will remain.

I'm certainly more alive now than when I was young. I feared the world then. I feared loss and, therefore, also feared gain. Now I know that the only thing I can truly lose is myself.

Stephen Brooke ©2009

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