adventures in dysthymia

Sunday, May 03, 2015

Motivations

Depression can be its own cause. There need not be an event that ‘triggers’ it. Things do not always have a black and white explanation, even though we wish them to, even though authors ever seek ‘motive’ for their characters’ moods and actions. Stuff is sometimes just random and messy and meaningless — perhaps more often than we would like to admit.

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Whether these words, or something like them, appear in the 'serious' novel I've been working on for a while (when not distracted by the fantasy stuff), they are sort of the underlying thought of that book. I wrote a short story years back about a surfer who lost his board far out in the surf and contemplated just letting himself come to an end out there. The most common comment I got? Why would he want to die? What is the reason for his suicidal thoughts?

Hey, there does NOT have to be a reason, or at least a simple one. Life is sometimes just too much. I have mornings when I think I might drown in the upcoming day, but I always manage to swim to the shore of evening. Maybe I won't, eventually. Who knows?

And who knows why?

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